Funny Retirement Quotes And Wishes

Retirement is a time of great change – the start of a new chapter in your life. If you are searching for “funny retirement quotes“ Use these famous quotes to send a boss, co-worker or teacher off to a happy and healthy retirement. As you get closer to it, you may find yourself having conversations with friends, family and colleagues about retiring and growing older – with lots of funny and inspirational comments. Retirement can be both a joyous and bittersweet time in anyone’s life. It marks the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new chapter. It can be emotional and even scary. No matter what a person is feeling, retirement is a major life change. Usually, it’s welcome, so there are plenty of opportunities to use a little sarcasm and poke some fun at the retiree.

Funny Retirement Quotes

From funny retirement one-liners to quotes you can use in toasts to celebrate leaving the workforce, you can make a retiree laugh with the right words. Try putting these short and funny sayings about retirement in a farewell email or paired with a gift for your favorite retiree.

“What do you call someone who’s happy on Mondays? Retired!” ~ Unknown

“The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the work I was best suited for was retirement.” ~ Unknown

“As for me, except for the occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.” – Robert Benchley

“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” – Abe Lemons

“Training someone new is going to be so time-consuming. Really wish you would have considered your retirement plan. Way to leave us in a lurch.”

“What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.”

Wait, you’re leaving? I thought we were just all really excited you were getting new tires on your car!

I hear retirement is really lonely. I hope you don’t get lonely. If you do, don’t call me; I’ll be at work.

Funny Retirement Quotes

Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

“My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law.” – Jerry Seinfeld

Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. – Jonathan Clements

When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. R.C. Sherriff

I always likened retirement to falling off a cliff, and then you have to kind of brush yourself off. Steve Young

“Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren’t going to get rid of me that way.” ~ Betty White

Retirement Quotes funny

“I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron.” ~ Hartman Jule

“Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65, I still had pimples.” – George Burns

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” – C.S. Lewis

“Aren’t you going to be bored? Are you going to spend a lot of time in Las Vegas?”

“Congrats on starting your next chapter. I’m so interested to see what the future holds for you. I am also interested to see if my snacks stop going missing from the break room refrigerator. I’m just saying it would be quite a coincidence.”

Funny Retirement Quotes for Coworkers

It’s going to be so weird not seeing you every day. What’s your name again?

I’m not sure why you’d want to re-tire, we’re all tired already!

“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” —Bill Waterson

“Say goodbye to tension and hello to your pension.” —Unknown

“Retirement, a time to enjoy all the things you never had time to do when you worked.” —Catherine Pulsifer

We were sad to hear you’re retiring until we realized it means one less person absentmindedly hitting “reply all” needlessly on emails.

You might be excited about retirement, but we’re not throwing you a party because we realize it means we’re each getting some of your work added to ours.

“Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” —Jonathan Clements

Funny Retirement Quotes for Coworkers

“You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.” —George Bernard Shaw

Funny Retirement Sayings for Your Boss

When you retire do you turn into the old version of Boss Baby? Will you be wearing a suit and tie while you nap on the couch?

I’m sorry, I thought you were already retired since we never see you doing any work!

“I find the biggest trouble with having nothing to do is you can’t tell when you are done.” —Unknown

“I will not retire while I’ve still got my legs and my make-up box.” —Bette Davis

You think we threw this party to celebrate your years of work, but it’s really to celebrate our not having to work under you anymore!

I’m so sorry for your loss. No one is ever going to call you “boss” again.

Funny Retirement Sayings for Your Boss

“I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.” —Danny McGoorty

Funny Retirement Messages and Wishes

“Retirement is like a firmware update for your life. Everything runs smoother.”

“Ditch the alarm clock! Retirement is the only time when ‘early to bed’ and ‘early to rise’ make no sense at all.”

Congratulations. You’ve retired from your job. Too bad the next step is retiring from life!

Working with you was a real pleasure. Let your spouse know they can use me as a reference if they have any doubts about that.

Congratulations on deciding life is more important than work. What took you so long?

Happy end of everything you’ve worked your whole life for…wait, why are you retiring?

Happy Retirement! You’ll never have to ask for a day off ever again!

You have been great to work with and I will never forget all you taught me along the way. You are a great role model! Enjoy your retirement.

. When you get tired of your two new best friends—the bed and living room recliner—remember to give your old friend a call!

I will miss working alongside you in the office but will miss your big bright smile even more. Thank you for being there for me all those years. Enjoy the retired life!

Just because you are leaving the workforce doesn’t mean you won’t have a boss. You’ll still have someone to tell you what to do at home.

Nothing but the best—that’s what you always gave. And that’s what you’re wished as you retire.

Funny Retirement Messages and Wishes

Now that you reached your goal you can spend more time contemplating the meaning of life and all those other questions you’ve been too busy to answer. Congrats on your retirement!

I hope you’re looking forward to the feeling of never having to go to bed at night and set an alarm again.

. Bye-bye, early meetings… Hello, early bird special! Enjoy your newfound freedom!

Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money! Congrats!

As you plan retirement, figure out what to say in a retirement card or write a retirement speech, you will enjoy reading funny retirement quotes, inspirational retirement quotes and much more about this wonderful phase of life. Also Let your departing coworker know you are excited for their next adventure by making them laugh. Funny retirement quotes make light of the end of a person’s working life and help people cope with their newly found freedom. You can tease them for not working and getting older (if they’re a good sport).

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